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By Tammad Rimilia

Chastity. Genital control. Controlling the submissive's sex drive. Enforced fidelity. Call it what you like, most submisives have a love/hate relationship with the concept.

Not everyone reacts the same way, but in general, women tend to feel most controlled when they are sexually penetrated at times or in ways that they would prefer not to be, and are required/"forced" to orgasm often or at times not of their choosing (especially when repeated many times in a day), while men tend to feel the most controlled when they are teased and excited into a state of intense arousal, perhaps while restrained so as to not even be capable of an erection, and then required/"forced" not to orgasm (especially when repeated for many days in a row). This is a fundamental difference of the sexes.

Which is not to say that keeping a woman chaste and frustrated or forcing a man to provide extensive stud services can't be fun too, but there's likely to be a lot less complaining and feelings of being controlled with this arrangement than the reverse.

As a direct consequence of this difference, when the woman in a FemDom/MaleSub relationship limits her man sexually he becomes both a more intensely sexual being and more eager to please her, and that the stricter her controls are the greater the benefits are likely to be.

There are probably two basic reasons for this:

(1) Men generally have a strong biological sex drive, so that once they have become aroused they'll be willing to do "whatever it takes" to be granted relief, and

(2) Men tend to want what they can not have. Deny them something, and they'll strive all the harder to obtain it, doing "whatever it takes."

By repeatedly exciting her man, then frustrating him, then offering him the hint of sexual release and exciting him again, the dominant female will keep her man incredibly hot and needy. On the surface of it, this is no different than the very common practice of "c*ck-teasing", yet a dominant woman will raise this to a much higher level by taking control of all her man's avenues for sexual release, regulating his masturbation as well as his love-making.

This puts some real power behind his desire to please her, because he is now dependent on her for his release. This level of control need not require any physical devices to achieve; the man should be honest enough and well trained enough that if he touches himself in a non-permitted manner then he will report his transgression.

"The most practical chastity device in the world is an honest man's solemn oath to his Mistress."

Primarily the dominant woman uses her control to ensure her continuing sexual satisfaction, obtaining pleasure whenever, wherever, and as often as she wishes, but an important secondary benefit is that she can use her man's eagerness to please her as a means to effect improvements in his behavior.

When her sex drive is high but she does not wish to grant relief to her man she can obtain her pleasure via cunnilingus provided by her male, as that satisfies her while granting him no relief.

While her primary motive is hedonistic, to simply enjoy pleasure whenever she desires it, whether or not she wishes to grant pleasure in return, there is a powerful secondary effect from her frequently and unpredictably frustrating her man, as this reinforces her control and emphasizes to her man that, at least in this one important way, he is her sex object, not her equal partner, and reminds him that his genitals are no longer his own but property which belong to his woman, that his purpose is only to serve her, and that sexual release is obtained only at her whim.

Having placed such a policy into effect, the man's sexual tensions will be running very high; most likely there will be times when the woman desires an additional level of security against unauthorized masturbation, or to hone his frustration to a fine edge she wishes to impose an additional level of discomfort.

Perhaps she intends to severely torment him and wants to preclude any chance of unintentional relief, or perhaps she intends to have him serving dominant and aggressive friends who might be inclined to take sexual advantage of him, or perhaps she needs to leave him alone while she is away on a business trip for a few days, or perhaps she had decreed an extended period of denial as punishment for some major infraction.

Or maybe she just likes the look of her man's genitals in bondage, or the incredible eagerness to please that a few days under lock and key engenders. In such cases, the woman might find locking her man in a chastity device very appealing.

"When someone else has control of the key to your chastity belt, your outlook on life will never be the same again." –Altairboy

Constant excitement keeps his sexual energy at the highest levels, and the continuing uncertainty keeps him eager, as he is unlikely to know when his next relief will be granted.

At the same time, the possibility of additional denial becomes a potent threat indeed!

The woman can always obtain relief for her tensions by demanding massages, oral sex, or to be pleasured with a strap-on, while her chastity belted man has no recourse. The advantage to both is that there is little likelihood of sexual boredom ever setting in, whenever she detects a loss of enthusiasm in her male she has but to impose a few days of additional denial, which serves both as punishment and cure.

"Chastity really enhances the sexual experience and improves the final release you'll get once you're let free. Try it for just a weekend - it's enough! Just don't overdo it." – Bootboy

There are, of course, lots of individual variations; each couple has to figure out what works for them. Some will use this kind of control as an occasional source of "spice", while others will make it a central and ongoing part of their relationship. For those who use chastity belts in an ongoing way in their relationships, each woman will enjoy different aspects of her control:

(1) some will use it mainly to synchronize their man's sexual schedule with their own needs,

(2) others will use it mainly as a means of reward and punishment, to modify their man's behavior,

(3) others will use it primarily as a means of ensuring their man's sexual fidelity, while

(4) still others will use it mainly as a source of c*ck-teasing/"Sadistic" thrills, taking pleasure from the squirming and discomforts of their man.

Beyond these, each woman probably has some of her own personal reasons for enjoying it. One of the things that really scares submissive men is that, given a chance, every woman shows great interest in male chastity belts.

Dommes, submissives, and even ladies not into bondage all gleefully proclaim that "of course" men should be kept locked up, as if it was some universal female imperative to lock men up. While they are uniformly enthusiastic and supportive, women hold several very different views about chastity.

They seem to align with one of three basic categories:

1. "It isn't chastity unless you have to go without orgasms for a long time, and I really believe in chastity for my man, so if it was up to me I'd keep him locked up for long stretches at a time without relief. I'd train him to go weeks or even months between orgasms."

I've been surprised at the number of dominants who define chastity this way! This seems to be the most prevalent desire of gay male Doms, it is less popular among Dommes, although not uncommon. There are a few submissive men who really want this kind of chastity experience, and more who are willing to accept it.

2. "Chastity means protecting you so that nobody but me can touch. I don't want to hurt you, but if you were mine I'd use a chastity belt to keep you all to myself. I'd take you out when I wanted to make love with you, but in-between I'd keep you locked up nice and secure, 24x7. I want your body reserved exclusively for me, hungry for me, always eager to please me."
This sounds very romantic, and it's far and away what most dominant woman seem to want. This often goes by the name of 'complete chastity'.

3. "I would dearly love to hold your key, and if you belonged to me it would be wonderful being able to lock you up whenever I wanted to, but believe me, you wouldn't be in it for very long. Hours, certainly. Maybe a few short days. Not being able to touch those precious parts would be be sometimes more torment for me than you." This is the most playful approach to chastity, and also the most practical, and a great place to start.

By accepting external control and limitation of his sexuality, the submissive male gets to live a life awash with sexual excitement, and the dominant female gets to enjoy having a partner who is always eager to please, not only in the bedroom, but everywhere.